Scenester 101: 9 Easy Steps To Become a Skinhead

Oi Mates! In the last Scenester 101, we taught you how to be a stage diving, mic grabbing hardcore kid… now it’s time to teach you how to be a bloody skin!

9. Speak with a Cockney Accent
It doesn’t matter that you’re a 16 year old from Nebraska… speak with a Cockney accent if you really want to be a skin. Sneer that nose, curl your lip and never use the word “my” again. (Ex: I want me pint). Bonus points: If you’re not saying bloddy after every bloody word, you fail as a bloody human being… Bollocks!

8. Stomp Around
When you’re in the pit (you ARE in the pit right?) stomp around like it’s the worst god damn cockroach infestation on this side of London. Put a snarl on while stomping around to show those bloody buggers you mean business.

7. Live For Work
I cannot stress this enough! Skins must live, breath, dream, and taste work! Apparently, 8 hours a day isn’t enough time to devote to work, so make sure to sing about your union and being part of the working class and the hardships of work during all your free time. Even when you’re at the pub grabbing a pint, you better be thinking of work.

6. Suspenders

Listen, we didn’t think you were white trashy enough… go out and buy some braces.

5. Anti-Racist Patch

If you don’t want to get your ass beat while walking the street, be sure to pick up an anti-nazi patch. Sure, WE know that most skins aren’t racist, but the average dude walking down the street thinks all skins are racist. We enlightened few know that skinheads are an embracing people, one who loves people of all colors (fuck gay people though).

4. Hair Styles
Dudes: Aim to look like Mr. Clean
Chicks: Skin dudes dig girls with mullets.

3. Boots
You never know when you need to do some really heavy yardwork… always be prepared by wearing your steel-toed boots.

2. Oi!
When you’re not saying “bloody” you better be yelling “OI!” like your jewish grandmother.

Bad Sentence: “I didn’t see nothing”
Good Sentence: “I didn’t see bloody nothing! OI! OI!”

1. Support Your Country
Support your military, fuck liberals.

The Boils – Skinhead Reggae Beach Stomp
Sham 69 – Borstal Breakout
Darkbuster – Skinhead
Hub City Stompers – I’ve Got A Boot
The Queers – Little Rich Working Class Oi Boi
Crucial Unit – Punx N Skins, Let’s Unite Them, Put Them On A Boat, Send Them Out To Sea, And Sink Those Fuckers

Educate Yourself:
Scenester 101: How To Be Hardcore


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